Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Watch Out, Miss Duffy

I've run out of library trivia so I thought I'd share this with you.

A couple of weeks ago Nottingham Writers' Club held their Verse of the Year evening. I don't normally do poetry but the theme was 'SatNav' and seemed like a good subject to squeeze a few rhymes out so I had a go. Unbelievably I won, so I present it here for your critical eye.

Voice of an Angel

Straight on at the next roundabout, keep left as you get near it
Approaching in a hundred yards, then take the second exit
Be careful on the carriageway, there's roadworks up ahead
You need to slow down now in case the traffic lights turn red

You've missed your turnoff, now I must recalculate your route
Turn left at the next junction while the journey I compute
This constant droning voice is really driving me insane
Dictating all my moves from motorway to country lane

It's starting to annoy me now and getting such a bore
I'm quickly losing patience and can't take it anymore
On every trip, that monotone keeps bossing me around
It's getting so I cannot bear to hear that awful sound

I got rid of that annoying voice, I threw it in the water
I bought myself a SatNav, now my journeys are much shorter
The young girl's voice is charming, I'm convinced she's heaven-sent
Unlike my wife who's body is now floating in the Trent

And if you want to hear me recite it, you can go to the Nottingham Writers' Club website at


  1. Keith - that is brilliant! I'm not surprised it won.

  2. Glad you liked it, Frances.
    Actually your comment came up while I was having trouble adding the link into my post. Anyway, it seems to work now.

  3. That was really funny - well done on your win!

  4. Oh, Keith, that was Brilliant! And to have you read it to me was wonderful...

    'Well done' on being winner too.

  5. I love it - congratulations on winning!

  6. Well done, this is brilliant!

  7. Thanks, everybody. Glad you liked it.
    I wish I could do the flowery and romantic stuff as well.